He Who Picks Your Petals - Poem

In school you're taught many things,
One of them being sex.

When a girl loses her virginity while she's still in school,
She's called a slut.

When a boy loses his virginity while he's still in school,
He's called a man.

Sex in school isn't an experience shared between two lovers,
It isn't about getting to know one another,
Or becoming closer to your partner.

Sex is a competition,
It's the hunger games,
The game of thirst that can only be quenched by what lies between girls' legs.

You're taught that your legs are an object,
You're wanted because their lips drip with starvation,
In school it's all about the body not about the respect.

And you really thought he loved you?
He's just getting started,
He can play you,
He can make you his.

But you see he's not too bothered,
He's not willing to overprotect,
You're just an object,
He wouldn't find it hard,
To toss your body aside and find another body,
Without giving you regard.

And they'll tell you,
They'll all tell you:
"Honey, your body is bomb,
But if you loved me,
You'd show me,
With that bomb body,
Instead you're treating us like stand-up comedy."

They'll pick at your petals,
You'll be asking the same questions:
"Love me?"
"Love me not?"

But they're all just thirsty,
And they'll pick and pick at you,
Until there's no more petals to pick,
There's no more trust to give,
But why didn't you see it to begin with?
Why are you so blinded by this one-sided love story?
You're giving them what they wanted,
They wanted your body for glory.

So wake up little flower,
Don't let Autumn keep picking your precious petals,
Save that trust,
Not for a boy full of lust,
But for a boy that's patiently waiting for you to wake up.

~Virgo x

Reasons to Live

Heyo internet kiddos!

Recently I've felt so incredibly alive that it's all so breathtaking. I realised that there's always something or someone to live for, and there's always something to look forward to, and so i decided it'd seem convenient to count off my reasons to live.

Reason 1 - Moments Shared With Friends or Family:

(I'm not in the photo because I was the one taking it)

Not too long ago I spent a whole day with my closest friends, we went up to the car park roof to watch the sunset, it's the best moment I've ever shared with them, and they made it so indescribable and so absolutely amazing, I honestly can't describe it.

The day was perfect and I wouldn't change one thing about it.

Any special moment shared with family or friends is worth living for, maybe it doesn't even have to be a special moment, just any moment shared with your loved ones is the best thing in the whole entire world.

Reason 2 - The World:

This one may sound silly, or stupid, but seriously, everyone has the world to live for, the most special places are the ones closest to home. Usually I go on walks, my favourite one was a ten mile walk up a hill and through wooded area, it was beautiful and once you reach where it is you aim to go, it's so worth it, it feels as if you're on top of the world.

Walking helps with depression, anxiety and stress, so this one is definitely one of my favourites.

Even if you think you've explored everywhere around your hometown, you probably haven't, however you could always go on a roadtrip, catch a train to somewhere completely new, or maybe get on an airplane to visit another country.

Reason 3 - Knowledge of Different Cultures:

I know how ridiculous this sounds, but in every single country everything is completely different, even the way we speak, no one speaks the exact same. There are millions of different cultures: Religions, countries, tribes etc. and then subcultures within them.

Knowledge of different cultures could
also be tied in with living for the world, but in my opinion travelling and learning about different cultures are completely different things.

Learning about other cultures first hand (travelling to observe them and get involved with cultural 'rituals' or 'routines') could be a massive eye opener and you'd be meeting new people, trying new foods and learning about others ways of living.

Reason 4 - For Someone:

You're always living for someone: for friends, family, pets, neighbours, subscribers, followers, fans, etc. You're just never aware of it.

Once you become much more aware of who actually truly cares about you, you may realise how many people you're influencing and how many people you're living for, and trust me, they couldn't live without YOU.

Sometimes people are closer to you than you realise, so don't take them for granted, an argument is nothing, and it's not something you should lose a strong friendship to, if you love someone then let them know, because they may not know how much they really mean to you.

------------------------------------------------------

I know I only have four reasons listed, but in my opinion, they're quite strong reasons to live.

Stay safe, I love you all!

~Virgo x

The Best Poets in History - According to Virgo

Hello internettttt!

I've been away for a little while but I'm not going to lie or anything, it was because I couldn't be bothered to write a post. Also school's been very busy at the minute, anyway today I'm going to share with y'all my favourite poets and my favourite poems, these are all must reads in my opinion.

I'm going to start the list with Rupi Kaur and her infamous poetry book 'milk and honey'.

This book contains poems based around the theme of sex, even though that may not be for everyone, her poems are honestly some of the best I've ever read in my whole life, and even if the theme of her poems don't sound very appealing to you, none of them are graphic whatsoever, surprisingly.

Anyway, without further ado, here's the list (in no particular order):

1. Rupi Kaur
2. Sylvia Plath
3. Lewis Carroll
4. ClickForTaz (YouTube Channel)
5. William Shakespeare
6. E E Cummings
7. Rudyard Kipling
8. Oscar Wilde
9. Charles Dickens

My favourite poems:
1. Daddy - Sylvia Plath
2. The Munich Mannequins - Sylvia Plath
3. The Hanging Man - Sylvia Plath
4. The Moon and The Yew Tree - Sylvia Plath
5. Midweek Sessions - Rupi Kaur
6. The First Time - Rupi Kaur
7. Jabberwocky - Lewis Carroll
8. The Aged Aged Man - Lewis Carroll
9. FAT - ClickForTaz
10. Anxiety - ClickForTaz

If any of you have favourite poets/poems then share them in the comment section, and I'll start to post more from now on, I love you all!

~Virgo x

How To Calm The Mind - Help With Anxiety or Stress

I think we all know what a bad day feels like, and we all express our anger different ways, whether that's letting it out on teachers, friends, peers, family etcetera, or keeping it in until we're alone and burst into tears, we all have those days where we feel like murdering someone (obviously not literally xD).

These are a few things I do to calm down if I'm stressed, anxious or have just had a panic attack, that could help you in any stressful situation too.

1. BREATHE - I know how stupid this sounds, but concentrating on taking deep, long breaths through your nose and out your mouth take your mind away from the situation and is very important if you're stressed.

It is scientifically proven to slow your heart rate to take deep breaths, the shallow breathing brings less oxygen into our bodies which means that our brains, which use 25% of the oxygen we take in, is also getting less oxygen, causing us to have difficulty concentrating and focusing.

2. NATURE - If you've had a stressful day then taking a long walk down a country road, in a forest, in a park, or wherever you find peaceful, is proven to reduce stress levels. This is definitely one of my favourite things to do when I need it: nature meditation.

If it's raining then the better it is, notice the earthy smell of the rain as it falls around you, notice each drop falling to the ground. The more you concentrate on simple things like these in nature, the calmer you'll find yourself.

3. YOGA / MEDITATION - Yoga and meditating are amazing examples of calming exercises that you can do at home or outside - which would take us back to nature if you choose to do these outside. There are plenty of yoga poses and sequences online that are made specifically to calm you.

It's proven that people who do yoga are much calmer and get less stressed out to those who don't do yoga. Click here for a yoga sequence made to keep you calm.

Meditation has a massive amount of benefits along with helping you to feel calmer, of which you can see here. If you don't know how to meditate or where to start then this website will help you.

4. COLOURS - Light and/or soft shades of blue cam the mind and help with concentration. Green can be seen as a restful colour and indicates little danger of famine, so we are reassured by the colour. Brown is a solid, reliable colour and most people find it quietly supportive. There are many colours with positive attitudes to our minds, leaving us calmer when surrounded by them.

Changing the colour theme of your room to two to four specific colours may help you to feel more relaxed and calmer and comforted. Having a mixture of colours can make the room feel and appear smaller, which doesn't help people with anxiety or people that are stressed out or not calm.

5. MUSIC - There are many playlists on Spotify and YouTube that help various people to relax or calm down, these are a few of my favourites:

Spotify:
- Calm Down
- The Most Beautiful Songs In The World
- Evening Acoustic
- One Perfect Morning
- Yoga & Meditation
- The Weekend Wind Down
- I'm Only Happy When It Rains
- Late Night Synths And Strings
- Natural Concentration
- Autumn Acoustic

YouTube:
- Keep Calm and Relax
- Indie Calm
- Keep Calm and Chillout
- Calm Down Music Playlist By #Joleenealys
- Indie/calm down
- Amazing Chill Out Music Playlist: Best of Relaxing Songs 2016
- Relaxing & Chillout Music
- A Moment Of Calm
- James Bay - Chaos and the Calm
- Atmospheric Calm

I hope this helps some of you in the future :).

~Virgo x

The Waste-Yard That We Call Home - Poem

The world's been wasted,
High off ecstasy and intoxicated,
Chain-smokers speaking with a raw, coarse voice,
Surely this can't be be the correct way to rejoice.

The scarlet women are on the prowl again,
But alas! This is the only way that they can afford their rent.
Young women around the world are being used,
Labelled as sex slaves they stand, but they daren't refuse.

This can't be the world I grew up in.
But it is, a line of hope and equality drawn thin.
I don't know who I can trust anymore,
As far as I know I'm only safe indoors.

I spent years being taught about the Earth's beauty,
But now the oil filled seas are as brown as a cup of freshly brewed tea.

Little girls believe that the world is a garden,
Well I'm sorry little girls, because as you grow up
Your views will only change and harden.

The 9/11 attack shocked us all,
As news and radio stations recorded their desperate bawls,
We listened and watched and cried,
Is this our world now? What we see outside?

Because it doesn't seem like much to me,
In fact a waste-yard is all I see.

So open your eyes and take a look outside,
Because that's the truth that we've been trying to hide.

But hiding the truth won't cure starvation, won't cure cancer,
Won't cure broken hearts of parents whose children have died in their arms.

Choking on polluted air we hold our breath,
In hope that it won't be the cause of our death.

But that's all we ever do now,
Hope for the best,
Never using our voices, our actions,
Never putting ourselves to the test.

We just wait,
Wait for the world to miraculously escape,
Escape from the waste-yard we did create.

But this is our world now,
Nothing will change,
And it doesn't seem like much to me,
In fact a waste-yard is all I see.

~Virgo x

How To Survive A Friendship Break-Up

Hello again.

We all have ups and downs with our friends, but recently I've had a very big DOWN. She told me she never wants to contact me again let alone see me. So here is my survival guide to friendship break-ups.

STEP ONE
Don't keep apologising - Once is enough, and if they don't accept your apology then you don't have to keep saying sorry over and over. If you do you can sound quite needy and desperate even if you're not.

STEP TWO
Give them time - This brings us onto step two, giving them time. If they don't accept your apology then they're tough to please, don't contact them until they feel ready, have some time apart and see if they want to contact you again. If they do not want to, then carry on to step three.

STEP THREE
Cry it out - Being close to someone and then knowing they don't exactly like you anymore can be very upsetting, but keeping it bottled up isn't any better. Cry until your eyes or sore or until you feel as if you don't care.

STEP FOUR
What didn't you like about them? - Think about their flaws and the reasons that you lowkey didn't like them, try to find at least eight to ten. Don't concentrate on the good things whatsoever. Maybe it was their attitude, or the way they leave the teabag in their green tea, or the fact that they like cold coffee.

STEP FIVE
Delete them - Delete any photos, videos, contacts, messages, etc. that you have of them, you don't have to unfollow them on everything, but it helps with the temptation of messaging them. Remember they are in the wrong. Not you. So don't contact or reply to them, if they want to talk they'll do it face to face.

This is my survival guide to a friendship break-up, which sometimes, can be rougher than a relationship break-up.

I love you all.
~Virgo x

Playlist Of Electric Currents - Sleep Is A Waste Of Time

'Playlist Of Electric Currents' is a playlist that I created on Spotify, these songs inspire me and send electric currents through my body. We all have those songs and these are mine.

The songs are all acoustic because I find my electric in slow, calm songs like the ones I have chosen.

I would like to say that each of the songs have a meaning behind to why I chose them, but they don't.

These songs and these types of songs also help me with my anxiety, so I also have an anxiety/panic attack playlist, however that is currently privated.

I listen to this playlist mostly when it's late at night, because after all, sleep is just a waste of time, and during those eight or so hours that I'm asleep I could be doing so much more. Which is the reason that it's currently 23:57 and my laptop is open, and I'm writing this, and I'm playing music.

Click here to listen to 'Playlist Of Electric Currents'.

A character in a book is the one that taught me that sleep is a waste of time. If you have spare time, then use it, right now I don't need sleep. I'm not tired, even though I probably should be because I fell asleep at five AM after a flight back to England and then woke up just after ten or nine, I don't remember which. But anyway, I'm not tired and I've been hyper all day. So why sleep?

12:19 AM
I feel the need to tidy my room, but I think I might leave it for tomorrow, so that I don't wake everyone, but it seems really crowded in here all of a sudden, I also need green tea, I normally have it in the morning, but I really feel like having some right this moment.

I'd recommend listening to 'DonaldTrumpMakesMeWannaSmokeCrack - Ledinsky,' it doesn't have much meaning at all but it's great for the lols.

12:27 AM
My friends, and probably a lot of you guys, see me as a person with a good choice of words. Intellect, interesting, helpful, etc. But to be honest with you my choice of words are all inspired by others, I'm not original, I would say I'm pretty clever, but it depends in what sort of skill, lesson, hobby. I'm certainly not that interesting, unless being interesting is speaking nonsense and ranting whenever I have an argument to make. I'm crap with advice so there's no way I'm helpful.

I don't have many skills but I'm really quite amazing at the ones I do have.

12:41 AM
Sylvia Plath, a poet and author, tried to overdose on sleeping pills in her mums cellar on the 24th of August 1953. The nurse was due to arrive at 9:00 the morning of February 11, 1963 to help Plath with the care of her children. Upon arrival, she could not get into the flat, but eventually gained access with the help of a workman, Charles Langridge. They found Plath dead of carbon monoxide poisoning with her head in the oven, having sealed the rooms between her and her sleeping children with wet towels and cloths. At approximately 4:30 am, Plath had placed her head in the oven, with the gas turned on. She was 30 years old.

Her note: "Call Dr. Horder." has led some to believe that she didn't intend to kill herself but that her actions were a call for help. However I'm pretty certain it was intended. She had been attempting suicide several times over a number of years before killing herself. Had it been a call for help, it'd of been answered by the time she went through with it.

My point: People only start really caring after the incident.

"It is as if my life were magically run by two electric currents: joyous positive and despairing negative - whichever is running at the moment dominates my life, floods it." -Sylvia Plath.

My electric currents are written in others music, whether it be joyous positive or despairing negative, and while the music plays it floods my mind with either of the two electric currents.

01:22 AM
Goodnight.

~Virgo x

How To Prevent Or Help With Panic Attacks

Hey guys!

Sorry I haven't posted anything recently, I was on holiday in Italy, there will be a separate post about that. The response on my last post was amazing, so thank you so much. :)

Something like this was requested, so here I am on a Saturday night in my front room writing about anxiety, once again.

If you want to know more about panic attacks and anxiety attacks and what they feel like then Click Here.

There are many ways to help yourself during or before a panic attack, when you start to feel the feeling on anxiety crawling up your body, then that's probably the right time to try a few of these things to prevent one:

1. Control your breathing - It's important to breathe during or before a panic attack even more than any other time. Your body breathes naturally so you don't normally concentrate on it much, but it's common to hyperventilate during a panic attack, so concentrating on your breathing just before can make a HUGE difference. Try taking deep breaths in through your nose and hold it for as long as you can, then out through your mouth, this helps with the feeling that you can't breathe. I always say that things are cliché for a reason, and controlling your breathing throughout is definitely one of those things. By doing so you're helping your heart rate return to normal, helping to lower your blood pressure and re-establish a feeling of being in control.

2. Use your senses - This was once recommended by a friend of mine who is clinically diagnosed with anxiety disorder, try closing your eyes and visualising something that you find calming and relaxing, for me it's beaches at night or watching sunsets or the countryside. Take that scene and adapt to it. You can see it, so think about what you'd smell (fish and chips, cow dung, the smell of rain etc), what you'd hear (birds chirping, waves crashing, etc), what you'd feel or the sense of touch (warm sand, grass, flowers etc). Just focus on your senses and a relaxing scene, you can even use headphones with nature sounds or rain sounds if it helps.

3. Focus your mind - Sometimes you find it difficult to focus on anything but the fact that you're panicking and that can make you feel useless and as if you can't do anything about it. If you focus your mind into doing something productive you eventually forget about the panic attack and it kind of fades away, try reading, writing, painting or drawing, stretching, meditation, going on a walk etc. or just anything that seems productive to you.

Trying to help someone with anxiety or someone that's having a panic attack is completely different to them trying to prevent one. There are a couple things that you should definitely NOT do while someone is going through a panic attack:

1. Ask if they're okay - No. They're not okay. I can't count how many times people have asked me this question. We understand that if you ask this you mean well and that you're just trying to help, but, depending on the person, asking this can actually make them worse, because it makes them realise that people are watching and that there's no escape.

2. React negatively - Once I had a panic attack in my music class, that class was small, and so they all knew I have anxiety, but yet when I had a panic attack two or three reacted the same way. Loudly, so that I could hear them, they asked: "OhmyGod is she crying?" "OhmyGod, is she okay?" Bearing in mind that I had told them multiple times to NOT do exactly what they were doing.

3. Tell them to 'calm down' - I think this has only happened once or twice to me, but this is like number one, except worse I'm guessing. I don't have much of my own opinion on this one however Scott Bea, a clinical psychologist, has quoted to HuffPost Healthy Living that "Anxiety can be like quicksand - the more you do to try to diffuse the situation immediately, the deeper you sink. By telling people things like 'stay calm,' they can actually increase their sense of panic."

If you have a friend or family member that has anxiety and/or panic disorder, then try these things to help with a panic attack:

1. Move them to a quiet or calm place - If they're sitting in class having a panic attack don't be one of those people that sit and stare and mumble and gossip about it, lead them outside into fresh air, or a less busy place that's quiet and calm.

2. Breathe with them - If the person seems to be hyperventilating then tell them to breathe in and out and do it in time with them to demonstrate (see number 1 of preventing panic attacks.)

3. Give them space - Don't swamp them with hugs, they may already feel trapped or claustrophobic so this will definitely not help, make sure they have a bit of space, but don't leave them on their own, they need you.

I hope this helps some of you and answers a few questions you may of had.

If you have any questions that have not been answered then go ahead and comment, I'll be sure to reply.

~Virgo x

What Does Anxiety Feel Like?

Hay internet!

Oh gosh, where to start with this one?

So, as I may or may not have mentioned before, I do have anxiety.

And it's bloody difficult to live with.

If you don't know, then anxiety is a mental disorder, it affects my everyday life. For example, I'm in a class of around 12 people that I'm close with, in geography we had been doing work until one day I was chosen to present to the class. All they saw was me crying. So today I'm going to explain what it really feels like, having anxiety and going through a panic attack.

Having anxiety means that I also have low self-esteem and that I can feel and be uncomfortable in pretty much any situation and talking to anyone can feel extremely awkward and uncomfortable at times.

Panic Attacks -

When you accidentally skip a step on the stairs and your stomach flips and your heart skips a couple of beats, that feeling lasts throughout a panic attack, sometimes I might not even be having a panic attack when I get this feeling. My mind shuts down, I'm attacked by negativity and negative thoughts, it feels as if everyone in the room is watching, their eyes sinking through you. I start shaking and crying into my sweaty palms. It lasts from 15-40 minutes for me (it's different for everyone,) but it feels like hours, like it's neverending. Breathing's hard during a panic attack, so I try to concentrate on breathing as much as I can, it also helps to block out my negative thoughts.

Panic attacks are almost like drowning, the sound around me becomes muffled but my mind is so loud that when people are staring at me (or I think I'm being stared at,) I expect them to be able to read my thoughts. You don't concentrate on sounds during a panic attack, but it's important to. Mostly you concentrate on your mind and being able to breathe.

Anxiety -

There are a lot of things that come along with anxiety, these are a few things that I experience:
-headaches
-ongoing worry and tensions
-numbness
-sweating
-tiredness
-being easily startled
-hot flushes
-the need to go to the bathroom frequently
-trouble falling or staying asleep
-nausea
-churning in the pit of stomach

( Source: http://www.timberlineknolls.com/mood-personality/anxiety/signs-effects/ )

Traumatic experiences, such as abuse, neglect, chaotic environments, the death of a loved one, divorce, changing jobs or schools, may trigger generalized anxiety disorder in predisposed women. Generalized anxiety disorder can also become worse during periods of stress.

In my case I'm not 100% sure of what exactly triggered my anxiety but I know it has something to do with my old school and a rumour that was being spread about me, along with the chaotic environment, and changing schools.

Anxiety also comes along with a bunch of stuff to pull you down even further, such as: Low self-esteem, depression etc. Not everyone with anxiety goes through depression, although anxiety and depression are often thought of as a pair of mental disorders. As far as I know pretty much everyone with anxiety will have low self-esteem though. But somedays it'll be worse than other days.

Not everyone has anxiety for the rest of their lives, it is treatable. People go through therapy and are sometimes given pills to help relieve the person of anxiety.

If you have any questions leave them in the comments and I will answer within 1-2 days.

~Virgo x

A Letter To The Past

"True friends stab you in the front."

Dear younger me/Virgo,

Hold on tight and please, prepare yourself.

A lot of people are about to walk all over you, you'll be in a position where you can't do anything about it, but don't fall down into darkness, pick yourself up, don't let it get worse. Don't choose to go to a certain secondary school just because your so called "friends" are going there.

You're going to hear a lot of horrid insults, but seriously just listen to the compliments, don't let them trigger your anxiety, because it's hell.

You're going to be trapped in this disgusting pit of despair, called your mind, for a long time. But even when you relapse through those emotions and thoughts, don't give in, because very slowly things get better.

You will depend on others to keep you happy at first, then alcohol and smoking tea. But even then, don't do it. Don't let your mind control you with the past. You're going to hear that you're fat, ugly, piggy, worthless etc. but don't let your mind control your meals or what you see in the mirror, because your friends actually look up to you, they seriously DO think you're beautiful and perfect.

Don't let your "best friend" call you worthless or weird as a "joke", get rid of her before it's too late because she's immature and controlling.

You will come across a lot of fakes. People in front of you will fake depression, self-harm, anxiety, fears etc. and try to be like you and others around you. Don't be scared to confront them, because even if they deny it, you can tell when people lie because we're gifted with that. xD

For a little while you'll see the world in black and white, but when he opens your eyes you'll see the world in colour, so hold onto him forever and don't look back.

We both know that we have a lying problem, so just tell the truth for goodness sake.

You won't believe me when I say that you're living like a storybook in 2016, but you are. Your life won't always be perfect but trust me, I'm working on it though, and it's going alright if you ask me.

The people that drag you down need to go asap. I know how hard you'll find it but trust me it's so much better than living with it and being scared of the past.

I wish you'd know what life is going to turn into, and I need you to be prepared more than anything, we're surviving right now, not living, we'd be living if I had prepared myself.

Remember. "True friends stab you in the front."

~From present me/Virgo x